Chapter seven
SENIOR SCHOOL
When Charles was
leaving primary school I was given two appropriate schools to look at. The
first one I didn’t like the look of and the second, even though it was well
suited it would have been a round trip of over two hundred miles a week
traveling for him, so I decided against it. I wanted him to be able to get to
know the people and area where we lived as we had only been here twelve months.
So at the last minute I looked at our local schools and my instincts lead me to
a school less than a mile away from our house. They did cater for autism but
not on a large scale. Well, I looked round, spoke to the staff, got outside
help and decided to give it a go.
This is a letter I
sent to his head teacher at his primary school just six months later!
29th
November 2010
Dear Mr Tuft
I know it’s been a
while but we did talk briefly about me letting you know about Charles’s
transition, so here it is.
Things started off
okay and I was under no illusion that there might be a few blips until people
got to know Charles, but the list is starting to build.
The school and I
are still trying to get support for Charles’s independence in walking to and
from school. Apparently we live to close to the school to get help. I don’t
know how that has anything to do with his vulnerability but there you go! We’re
going to try a different company now because Charles really wants to walk to school
on his own. When I pick him up at the end of the school day I get him later
than everyone else from the study centre so we all know where he is, or at
least should be. Charles seems frustrated by this and says he doesn’t want to
be autistic anymore.
1) He’s had
detention for talking.
2) When a routine
changed he got frustrated and began pulling at his classroom door because it
wouldn’t open. Then when another child tried to intervene he got her round the
neck in a strangle hold; that didn’t go down well! It’s a form of attack so he
was excluded for the day; they called it a cooling off day.
3) He wasn’t
listening in PE so again another child got involved and started shouting at him
to get behind the line and according to his teacher Charles grabbed at the
child and scratched a five-inch scratch all down his wrist and arm. Charles’s
version of this story seemed one-sided (and it wasn’t in his favour). The mom
of the other child said she had to go to take her son to the doctor’s for a
tetanus jab. Charles is now missing two PE lessons and having to be involved in
a course called A 5 is against the law (which I will explain later),for the
consequences of touching other people. They said it’s serious. The
communication team are also involved and keep attending the school. They’re making him out to be some kind of
monster.
I know hormones
don’t help and at his age they do try and push the boundaries but it feels
harder than it’s ever done. Even though
everyone is doing their best I’m not sure if I’ve made the right choice, only
time will tell. I will keep you informed if you like, thanks.
Which leads me on to why I started picking Charles up from the study
centre later than everyone else at school.
Within the first week of Charles attending his new senior school
there was a heart- stopping moment. One home time, in his eagerness to impress
me and to the horror of his classroom assistant, Charles came rushing out ahead
of her and through the wrong entrance! I was waiting by the gate waving at his
assistant and she was asking me whether he’d passed me!
Thankfully,
Charles soon realised he was on his own and rushed back into school. After the
initial scare and we had all grouped up he said that he was excited and just
wanted to be like all the other children!
From that day
onwards the school decided that at 3.15 everyday Charles was to go straight to
the study centre and from there I would pick him up in the car ten minutes
later than all the other children coming out of the school. This made such a
difference for Charles’ safety and my nerves.
During the first
couple of months I approached the Education transport to see whether I could
have a walking guide for Charles, as I felt I needed support and guidance for
him, but was refused on the grounds of us living within two miles of the school
and with all the cuts it wouldn’t be until his 16th birthday now.
As Charles passed
his thirteenth birthday he wanted more independence and I was feeling quite
worried on how to approach the situation. I didn’t want him to take it into his
own head to get himself home. I felt there might have been a strong possibility
of him doing just that, and the school agreed with me. So again I asked the
Special Educational Needs Co coordinator from my son’s school for help and we
got together to see how we could move forward. I found the school very helpful
in understanding what being independent really meant to us, because even though
Charles and I wanted him to walk to school, there was a lot more to it than
that.
I was asked to
consider where else in Charles’s life he was given trust and
responsibility. Would Charles actually
understand the responsibility of his wish? What had he done so far?
This I gave a lot
of thought to and was advised to write a list of all the things that I had let
my other son do at this age (he was not on the spectrum), but from that I could
compare and adjust it to Charles.
From this I
organized a plan of action and then explained to Charles about introducing one
idea at a time and proceeding from there. I explained that this builds trust
and by us working together would give him the freedom he desired. He seemed happy with the idea.
Below is the list
we started with. When I felt we were ready to move on we would take his travel
training and independence further.
1) The first task
was for Charles to start using his mobile phone correctly and responsibly. That
meant checking his credit and the battery often and understanding that around
school it had to be on silent.
2) When he goes to
the study centre at the end of the day he puts his phone on and contacts me by
ringing, not texting, to pick him up when he’s ready to be collected.
3) In the mornings
I would only drive part of the way to school as there were no roads to cross at
this point. He would only have to be aware of cars pulling in and out of drive
ways. It took him about 7 minutes to walk it, with me watching in the car from
a distance.
4) Right outside
the school there was a zebra crossing which we began using from time to time
for him to get used to. Then we progressed to crossing roads on a more regular
basis in our area.
5) He then walked
to and from our local post box and shop, which is only a stone’s throw from our
house.
6) Going into the
shop was a little different. My husband would drive down to the shop ahead of
my son without him knowing and hide the van. Meanwhile I would wave Charles off
at the house. Charles would quite happily start to walk towards the shop,
oblivious of us watching him. We had to show him trust but also make sure he
was safe, and it was the only way we knew how to do it. When he got so far I
would start to follow, speaking to my husband on the mobile. For example, I
would say: ‘Can you see him yet?’
His dad would say:
‘Affirmative, he’s just going into the shop now.’
‘Okay let me know
when he comes out and I will start walking back home.’
Then the next
message, ‘The chicken has left the coup, the chicken has left the coup!’ (Which
meant Charles had left the shop with the goods and was on his way home). If
only people knew what extremes we went to.
These strategies worked for us, though, and we felt better doing it one
step at a time. Yes we knew there was a long way to go, buses, trains, etc, but
at least this list put things into perspective for us. I felt much more hopeful
and felt I had goals in place for both of us.
Now at the age of 15, he can walk and skip to and from
school on his own and is getting familiar with the area where we live. He is
even recognising the correct number buses to and from Birmingham.
I hope these small
steps can help you and I will bring you up to date with his progress at
the end of the book.
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